An Extensive List of Toilet Paper Alternatives

Do your store shelves look like this?

Are you terrified of running out of toilet paper? If you’re one of the lucky few who were able to stock up before the madness hit, probably not. You’re probably wondering what in the world you’re going to do with it all.

If you’re like us and you’re catching on at the tail end of this fiasco, you might be starting to think that maybe you should have been a part of the initial wave of insanity and grabbed some toilet paper by the pallet while it was still in stock.

If you missed that boat,

WHAT

DO

YOU

DO??

Well, I’m not up for utilizing the cat (hehe…just kidding! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! That was never actually an option.). So, I’ve compiled for you all, an extensive list of ways to clean yourself without actual toilet paper. They are, in no particular order:

Baby Wipes

Tissues

A Bidet

It makes going to the toilet and actual experience.

Portawipes

These are pretty amazing, but I wouldn’t recommend flushing them.

Reusable Toilet Paper

Old Magazines

They used to use an old Sears catalog back in the day, didn’t they? Give it a good crumple first to soften it up.

Sponges

The Romans did it and so can you.

A Tabo or a Wash Jug

Leaves

But know your plants! Don’t go cleaning yourself with poison ivy.

Old Towels or Rags

Any old cloth will do, really.

Gauze Pads

Kind of pricey, but it’ll do in a pinch.

Rocks

Not just any old rock. Find a flat, smooth one for a more comfortable experience.

Corn Husks

They are kind of like leaves, but better.

Your Hand

When all else fails. This is an absolute last resort kind of thing. Be sure to wash thoroughly afterwards.

There are lots of great, non-toilet paper options out there to help you keep yourself clean during this crazy pandemic. Whichever method you choose, remember to wash your hands for 20 seconds with plenty of soap and hot water when you’re done.

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